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So on a weekend away in Napa, I brought up my concerns about what we’d do about our future children.
But the thing about religion is that you CAN split it down the middle. You can love this guy madly, but if you’re not willing to give up on the dream of being a mother, you need to know if he intends on being a father.
I am 33 years old, and have been dating a 32 year old man I met online for one year.
He’s wonderful, and I don’t doubt his commitment to me.
However, we are running into a bit of an impasse over the issue of children and parenting.
I knew from the beginning that he was ambivalent about having kids.
Part of him is definitely open to being a father someday, but he also has a lot of reservations about the changes in his life that it would require and can’t say for sure if he’ll ever come around to definitely wanting kids.
I’ve communicated all this to my boyfriend, and I’ve avoided giving him any kind of ultimatum or deadline.
But I have let him know in the course of these conversations that at some point, I will need to have a partner who shares the goal of one day being a parent.
He’s worried that I’m going to walk and frustrated that I’m focusing on this complicated issue rather than just “letting it breathe.” I’m feeling very torn, because on the one hand I don’t want to walk away from someone I love.
On the other hand, I suspect that if he doesn’t want to have kids with me now, he never will, and I’ll have wasted valuable time I could have spent looking for a partner who does want that.
At what point do you think a couple should be able to have some kind of consensus about kids and parenting?
Is a year too soon (or too late) to be expecting clarity on this?